Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
