I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
