that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
