he wants to bone in the snuggie
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
