This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
