Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
