God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
