I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
