And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
