thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
