I hate your face
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
