Christians are straight up FREAKS
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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