im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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