I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
