I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
