you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm passing your future prison.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
