he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
