You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
