Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
