I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
