He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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