i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
