Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
where does the pee come out of this thing
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
