remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
