Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You smell like a Billy Joel song
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
