she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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