This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
