11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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