Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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