And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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