Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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