Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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