I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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