I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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