Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
