You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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