Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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