i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
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