Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
