why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Text me some of your sweat
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
