3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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