What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
