my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
