there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
