Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
