Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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