Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
