Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
