Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
