but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
you made out with another girl for some wings
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
