I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
