oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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