Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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