I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
worst night to have a conscience
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
