billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize