he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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