How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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