Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
