I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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