Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
