Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
