the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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