he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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