There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
