she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
