So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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