omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
