Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
