So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
