i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The air was thick with penises
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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