and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
