I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
