at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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